I serve a faithful God

I am beyond amazed at the Lord's provision these past 5 months after college. I love that we serve a God who desires the best for us and cares for His people enough to take certain things away in order to build up our character and give us even more through it. Let me share with you my journey thus far.

After graduation, I was still uncertain of what I was doing. I had finally decided that graduate school for linguistics was not where I was supposed to be right now and I started applying to elementary schools. I moved home for two weeks for Christmas break and had an interview lined up for a preschool in Tampa in January- not my first choice but it was something. I was overjoyed to get the position right away because it meant that I could live in Tampa; exactly where my heart wanted to stay. The next day after being hired I received a call for my first interview with an elementary school. I couldn't believe it! My first adult interview. However, I did not get the job. So, a little bummed but still thankful for a full time job, I began my adventure at the preschool.

In the meantime, I moved in with Inge in New Tampa. After 3 and half years of living in apartments, it was nice moving into a house. Unfortunately though, it was far from many of my friends, especially with the horrible traffic. It was okay at first, but as the semester moved forward, our schedules became busier and I saw less and less of my college friends. My job also became my life. You'd think working at a preschool wouldn't be too bad. Oh did I have it coming. I worked the normal 8 to 5 hours like a lot of people do, but the amount of stress that came with it only added to my exhaustion. I felt like I was working 50 hours a week rather than 40.

I encountered some hardships and persecution along the way. The management was poor and produced a horrible environment; I constantly saw how God was trying to draw me closer to Him. I felt as though they wanted to see how much they could take without giving any in return. Left in a classroom alone with 11 2 year olds basically everyday, I was at my last ends trying to provide for my students the most that I could with such high demands from my managers. Yet, God provided wonderful coworkers, students and parents. They were wonderful and I enjoyed being around them so much! That was hope and encouragement enough to keep me going. 1 corinthians 10:13, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." This was my escape to let me know that His sovereign hand was over me. Through much prayer, encouragement from friends and meditation on His word, I was able to push through.

I am also thankful that God allowed me to see the sin that was present. It would have been very easy for me to believe the lies that my managers were telling me if I had not also seen that this persecution was not limited to me but the entire staff. I was not the only teacher left alone, but in fact most of the teachers were as well. No matter how much the parents complained, it only seemed to make the managers push more blame on us. One day I got my paycheck and noticed my pay rate was lowered. When I went to my manager she was not as surprised as I was and had no intention of informing me of this change. Instead she told me that they hadn't noticed they were paying me that much- for two months- and decided to change it. Her reasoning was that I was supposed to start out at a different pay rate anyway, and that they were doing me a favor by bumping me down only 50 cents instead of a dollar. She also encouraged me that it had nothing to do with my performance. I felt very mistreated and manipulated. Everything in me wanted to stand up for myself and demand respect. God was so gracious to me and held my tongue for me. What came out of my mouth next were words that not even I had expected. I politely said "Okay, thank you so much" and walked back to my classroom. There of course was still anger residing inside me for most of the day, but God kept humbling me. Again through much prayer, encouragement from friends and meditation on His word, I was able to keep pushing through.


About a month later, one of my parents came to me and told me she was pulling her child from the preschool. She had expressed her concerns to me before, so I was not very surprised. She made sure I knew that it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the management. She walked out the door and I thought nothing of it. About 3 minutes before I was due to leave work, my manager called me on my phone and asked if I could come in before I left. I walked into the office and there lay a sheet of paper. They told me that it was my 3 month review and said I could go ahead and read it before we began the conversation. I began reading. Not one good thing about me was written on that paper. Not one. I read the last sentence where it said my last day was that very day. My heart sank. I was utterly speechless and was struggling with what I should say. I remember amongst the fight to keep back the tears, I said one simple prayer: God help me. I started talking. Though my voice was trembling with nervousness and complete lack of confidence in myself, God gave me words of assurance to say. He again held back my anger and provided words of reason and truth. I left with that piece of paper saying how horrible I was as an employee, and immediately felt the lies sinking in. I was greeted by John who had decided to surprise me after work and the tears immediately emerged. God provided encouragement through John, other coworkers, and even parents reminding me that those things they said of me were not true.

Through their encouragement I was able to move forward and begin my job search. About two weeks in, I found myself believing the lies once again. I had never noticed before that on applications they specifically ask if you have ever been fired. How on earth would I get a job? What I thought I could leave behind was only following me. One day, I found that piece of paper in my car. I immediately felt the anger and lies beginning to sink in once again. I felt defeated. They had won. Like the world, I began to believe that bad people come out on top and no matter how hard you try, its easy to be trampled on. I was playing the victim. Once I realized this, it was like a light bulb went off in my head. I asked myself, where does your trust reside? In the Lord, of course. Then why am I so willing to say that this small, minute thing defines who I am. I was so worried about what people would believe and think of me through this, that I didn't want anyone to know. It was embarrassing and gave a false view of who I was. God grabbed a hold of my heart and showed me my sin. 1 peter 5:5-10 says this:

"Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace,who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore,confirm, strengthen, and establish you."

I was too proud to tell people. Instead of knowing that my identity was in Christ and resting on His righteousness alone, I unknowingly wanted people to see mine. It's scary how deceptive sin can be. God is faithful and will provide if you ask Him. I asked God in that moment to remind me of His promises and who I am in Christ. To forgive me and bring contentment even in a time of uncertainty. I asked Him for His strength to believe truth rather than lies. And to know that He reigns victorious at the right hand of God. What more should I know than these truths? I was without a job for about 2 months before something came up. It has been amazing to see how many doors have opened through waiting patiently for His will. I now have a babysitting job with a couple who were at the preschool I worked at. I also have plans to house sit for two weeks in June. And I just found out today that I have another babysitting job and possibly more. I have received so much love and support from my fellow believers in Christ. It is humbling and beautiful to see the care from people looking out for me during this time. God truly does care for His people. He shows it through good things and bad. I have seen much fruit and goodness come out of this that I would have never thought possible. Then again, everything is possible with the Lord. :)