Lead Me to Your Heart

Do you ever find yourself surrounded by blessings yet your heart is still yearning for more? I get stuck in this mindset from time to time and a lot of the time I just excuse it with a discontent heart. But I think it's more than that. What is at the root of our discontentment?

About a year ago I was preparing for our wedding. John had just got back into town after 10 months of being gone. We were thrilled that the distance was over! We got married, went on our honeymoon, and then we were off to Louisiana! This was by far my biggest transition ever, considering my college move was only a few hours from my hometown. I had spent 5 years in Tampa developing deep and lasting friendships. It was difficult to know I was leaving them behind. But, we were so excited for the adventure God had planned for us! We knew that this was a great opportunity to leave and cleave to one another right after marriage.

The first few months were new and exciting! We quickly transitioned into a new church family and were getting accustomed to living with each other. Of course, like all new shiny things, the fun wore off. Not to say that we live boring lives- quite the contrary! We are actually quite busy. The Lord really has blessed us with a wonderful, kingdom minded church. Amazing marriage. Great friendships through the military. Jobs. Traveling. Visits from friends and family. And all in just one year! Yet I still found myself discontent from time to time.

A few weeks ago, discontentment hit me. I began with the same excuses. But this time, I decided to seek out more answers. I began to realize that all my complaints, all my excuses were centered around things that I wanted but wasn't getting. Good things. But to the point that I was neglecting my relationship with Jesus. I had only looked at it from the surface. I had been loving God throughout but only to the extent that I knew doing so would somehow bring me joy.

A few years ago, God shook my world around a little bit. It was a hard year, but one of the best. Not because of the circumstances in my life, but because of how in love with Jesus I was. You see, it was easier to see God when things around me were falling apart. It was easy to want Him because other things that had filled my heart didn't matter anymore. I had a strong desire for others to know what I was learning that I didn't even care about my insecurities and discomforts.

Why wait for a trial to hit when loving Jesus begins with knowing Him? How can I expect things from God without wanting to serve Him? I would hate if John just kept expecting me to cook and clean and get no love in return. I want him to pursue me, love me, know my heart. In the same way, let's run to Jesus. Let's fall in love with who He is so that we can't wait to tell others. So that in those moments of discontentment, we reach for our bibles instead of the remote.

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

"I am your husband."

-Jeremiah 3:14

"Christ Jesus is joined to His people in the bond of marriage. In love He espoused His church as a chaste virgin, long before she fell under the yoke of bondage. Full of burning affection He toiled, like Jacob for Rachel, until the whole of her purchase money had been paid, and now, having sought her by His Spirit, and brought her to know and love Him, He awaits the glorious hour when their mutual bliss shall be consummated at the marriage supper of the Lamb. The gorious bridegroom has not yet presented His betrothed, perfected and complete, before the Majesty of heaven; not yet has she acually entered upon the enjoyment of her dignities as His wife and queen: she is yet a wanderer in a world of woe, a dweller in the tents of Kedar; but she is even now the bride, the spouse of Jesus, dear to His heart, precious in His sight, written on His hands, and united with His person. On earth He exercises towards her all the affectionate offices of Husband. He makes rich provision for her wants, pays all her debts, allows her to assume His name, and to share in all His wealth. Nor will He ever act otherwise to her. The word divroce He will never mention, for "He hates divorce." Death must sever the conjugal tie between the most loving mortals, but it cannot divide the links of this immortal marriage. In heaven they do not marry, but are as the angels of God; yet there is this one marvelous exception to the rule, for in Heaven Christ and His church shall celebrate their joyous nuptials. Just as the affinity is more lasting, so is it more near than earthly wedlock. Let the love of a husband be never so pure and fervent, it is but a faint picture of the flame which burns in the heart of Jesus. Passing all human union is that mystical cleaving to the church, for which Christ left His Father, and became one flesh with her."

-Spurgeon, Morning and Evening: July 22