About a year ago I was preparing for our wedding. John had just got back into town after 10 months of being gone. We were thrilled that the distance was over! We got married, went on our honeymoon, and then we were off to Louisiana! This was by far my biggest transition ever, considering my college move was only a few hours from my hometown. I had spent 5 years in Tampa developing deep and lasting friendships. It was difficult to know I was leaving them behind. But, we were so excited for the adventure God had planned for us! We knew that this was a great opportunity to leave and cleave to one another right after marriage.
The first few months were new and exciting! We quickly transitioned into a new church family and were getting accustomed to living with each other. Of course, like all new shiny things, the fun wore off. Not to say that we live boring lives- quite the contrary! We are actually quite busy. The Lord really has blessed us with a wonderful, kingdom minded church. Amazing marriage. Great friendships through the military. Jobs. Traveling. Visits from friends and family. And all in just one year! Yet I still found myself discontent from time to time.
A few weeks ago, discontentment hit me. I began with the same excuses. But this time, I decided to seek out more answers. I began to realize that all my complaints, all my excuses were centered around things that I wanted but wasn't getting. Good things. But to the point that I was neglecting my relationship with Jesus. I had only looked at it from the surface. I had been loving God throughout but only to the extent that I knew doing so would somehow bring me joy.
A few years ago, God shook my world around a little bit. It was a hard year, but one of the best. Not because of the circumstances in my life, but because of how in love with Jesus I was. You see, it was easier to see God when things around me were falling apart. It was easy to want Him because other things that had filled my heart didn't matter anymore. I had a strong desire for others to know what I was learning that I didn't even care about my insecurities and discomforts.
Why wait for a trial to hit when loving Jesus begins with knowing Him? How can I expect things from God without wanting to serve Him? I would hate if John just kept expecting me to cook and clean and get no love in return. I want him to pursue me, love me, know my heart. In the same way, let's run to Jesus. Let's fall in love with who He is so that we can't wait to tell others. So that in those moments of discontentment, we reach for our bibles instead of the remote.
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross
